By Day 13 of Survivor 42, Lydia Meredith was living it up. She had safety to see her through to the merge, a new eight-person majority with easy targets in sight, and Applebee’s in her belly to boot. But in one swift motion—specifically a hammer down on an hourglass—it all changed. Now suddenly vulnerable, Lydia became the default target when the former Takus wheeled and sealed to keep each other in the game. As a result, the “BFJA” became DOA, earning six votes that included two of her tightest allies. Lydia admitted when she started Survivor, she was out of her element within the literal and metaphoric nature of the game. Luckily, she was able to make a quick bond in Hai Giang. But the two found themselves in the line of fire at Vati’s first Tribal Council, as the other four members wanted to take Lydia out. Fortunately, she was spared due to Chanelle Howell and Mike Turner’s lack of votes, as well as Daniel Strunk deciding to flip to avoid going to rocks. The chaos of the evening was just what Hai and Lydia needed, as the outsiders suddenly found themselves in a power position. They discarded their wildcard in Daniel, kept a close eye on Chanelle, and brought in an incredibly loyal Mike, ready to face a typical Survivor merge. Except this merge was anything but typical. Before the tribes came together, Lydia spent the day with Rocksroy Bailey, as the two engaged in curt, tight-lipped conversations. Little did she know how much her journey partner would play a role in her ouster. Lydia was initially part of a group that won safety. But, picked to go to Exile, Rocksroy chose to reverse the challenge outcome and give himself and the other group safety. With targets Chanelle and Tori Meehan now safe through various means, it became a scramble to survive among four vulnerable possibilities. Lydia was part of a group that aimed at the strong Taku block, hoping to be the David to take down the Goliath of Jonathan Young. But, hoping to protect his allies, Omar Zaheer put in work, pitching that Lydia was already trying to break the cross-tribal majority alliance that had been established. Though Omar didn’t have a vote, he was able to whip up enough to send Lydia going in an incredibly scattered outcome. Now out of the game, Lydia talks with Parade.com about all of the chaos that led to her blindside, going from an outsider to power in Vati, and her reaction to watching back the confidence she gained on the show. So, I’m curious. How long after you left did Jeff announce that the merge officially happened? Did you have to hear the cheers of everyone else right after you were voted out? Yes! It was so, so sad. I heard it, and it was an extra little dagger. I was just like, “Just get through your one last little confessional, and then you can cry your eyes out.” And as soon as the cameras were off, I was a weeping mess. [Laughs.] But the cheering was rough. It was like, “Alright, guys. You don’t have to do all that!” [Laughs.] It was so rough. I feel like there were so many things that accumulated. It almost felt like a joke. I was laughing about it. Like what am I supposed to do at that point? I just have to laugh about it. Well, let’s talk about all those little things. You said your boot was a blindside. Did you expect you would be a target at all going into Tribal Council? So I knew what was going on. I think it really was a last-minute thing. At that point, I knew who I was writing down, who I trusted and who was on the outs. I thought I had made that alliance of eight. But I couldn’t even tell you who the alliance of eight was at that point. I don’t really remember. All I remember is being like, “Oh, yeah, let’s do it.” [Laughs.] But it seemed like it was very close to Tribal that it was all switched by Omar. So obviously, going in, I’m hoping it’s not me. But of course, there are only five of us you can vote for. I was kind of thinking I would probably get one vote if somebody obviously like wasn’t completely in the loop. But it was just totally switched. You ended up voting for Maryanne in this very scattered vote. Why? If I remember correctly, I think I had made a plan with the people I was talking to–I can’t even remember who. We made a plan to put votes on others just in case anything was played. And so I thought we were splitting between Jonathan and Maryanne. What’s your reaction to when you found out Hai and Mike voted against you, considering how much they kept affirming their loyalty to you in the days before? Mike I wasn’t really surprised by. We really weren’t working together strategically. We got along; we were buddies. But strategically, we were not tight, so that one wasn’t surprising. It was the Hai vote that was interesting. Why did he let me go when I could have been an easy number? And I’m not even on the jury and could have been a great jury number for him or anybody on Vati. But it was more confusing to me. Why go to bat for me, and then two Tribals later, you are just done? I truly think maybe he wanted to play with the cooler kids. [Laughs.] There was a lot of chaos leading into the vote last night. Looking back, is there one conversation you either regret having or wish you could have had that may have led to a different outcome? I don’t know. Obviously, watching it back, Taku was very strong. There was no way that I could have broken that. I don’t think I had the numbers. Vati was very fractured going in, baby! [Laughs.] We were a hot mess. We were nuts. It was ridiculous. Taku, on the other hand, I don’t think they were gonna let anybody go. I mean, it was an amazing play on Omar. I’m so happy for him. Get it, king! [Laughs.] Get me out of there, I guess. I think the whole twist, in general, was just unfortunate. I really wasn’t on anyone’s radar because I’m a social player. I made those social relationships. Even going in, I had a sense of who was already on the outs. So when I made that big alliance and everything, I was like, “Great, awesome, awesome.” And then, of course, I’m in the spotlight. Which I, of course, love, but not in that way! [Laughs.] So then I was hopefully relying on those social relationships, because this game is very, very social. We can’t all be Jonathan! [Laughs.] Some of us gotta be the cute little social player. To that point, what was your reaction to the twist? We saw people like Drea correctly predict what it was before it happened. Did you expect you’d get your immunity stripped? There were talks about it. Everyone really did a great job of predicting it. But I think I was in denial too. [Laughs.] I was just like, “No, we got immunity. Why would we get that taken away?” And obviously, it started this whole debate; it is very controversial. I didn’t realize what was happening until I went to the challenge. I’m wearing my glasses; I’m not in challenge mode. Because I was just like, “No, we won immunity,” and everyone’s like, “I’m gonna still get ready to compete.” But we won immunity! Why would we get that taken away? I understand getting a game-changing power. But in general, it just sucks. I don’t think it mattered who it was who left. I just think it’s just unfortunate. Let’s go back to those fractured days on Vati. Both Jenny and Daniel have told me that you and Hai were on the outs socially, and Jenny had difficulty strategizing with you. How accurate are those assessments? Well, Jenny was absolutely correct. [Laughs.] I am very confrontational. And I love, love, love, love Jenny. Jenny is everything to me. But if she was going to talk to me about strategy, I was nervous. I was just like, “I can’t! I already made my alliance, girl.” [Laughs.] So she was like, “You’re running away from me.” And I was like, “Yeah, ‘cause you stress me out!” [Laughs.] I had made my alliance deal, and we hadn’t even been to Tribal yet. But we definitely all did get along for the most part and everything. But Hai and I were definitely out of it. You told Hai on the first day you were “the same person in a different way.” What made you bond so quickly and closely early on? Oh, we were the gay bitches! Point blank. It’s just like, an immediate connection. You’re just like, “Yeah, I got you. Let’s do it.” It really was as simple as that. Talk me through everything that happened at that first Vati Tribal Council, where you very nearly end up getting voted out. Oh my gosh, I blacked out. I barely remember half of it. I remember just sitting there being like, “Just vibe out and hope for the best.” In hindsight, I wished we pushed a little harder for them to go to rocks, because then both Jenny and I would have been safe. But the whole thing didn’t make sense. They did not have the votes, but Daniel was gunning so hard, and then all of a sudden put his hands up and was like, “I’m not going to rocks.” And so I was like, “Okay, well then you’re done!” In general, I hated every minute of Tribal Council. Because it’s a whole other game. Jeff is always trying to add things, so you don’t want to reveal too much. So I’m like already trying to do all that. And then, of course, this whole thing happens. I was just praying, “I need to get through this.” And luckily, I did. You told Daniel that you would forgive him for initially voting you out. But after that Tribal Council, did you ever entertain the possibility of working with him? There was literally zero chance anyone else was going. There was obviously the whole Chanelle thing. And obviously, it was split just in case. But there was no way Daniel was not going. And also, part of my job was to chill them out and be like, “You’re totally good. I’m with you.” I was doing damage control because we didn’t want him to play anything like the Shot in the Dark. So it was all about keeping him at ease. Let’s talk about some of the new faces you met your last few days at the game. The first one is Rocksroy. Talk to me about that awkward journey you took together. [Laughs.] [Laughs.] No one knows what’s going through that man’s brain. And the hike was brutal. I wasn’t eating at all; the coconut made me sick. So I’m miserable. And then having to do this hike with this cryptic person. It was just as awkward as it looked. I remember going up the hill and being like, “So…you got kids?” [Laughs.] I didn’t know what to talk about with this man! It was weird. And, of course, I also went into it swearing I’m not risking anything. I don’t care what he says. Like I said on the show, my only power is my vote. And that’s the only thing I have right now. I could get an extra one. But I rather have just the one vote I already have. Who did you enjoy interacting with most from the other two tribes when everyone came together? I really liked Lindsay. Lindsay was really cool. I loved Omar. Obviously, he got me in the end. But I’m very happy for him. I loved meeting Maryanne. In general, those two days were awesome. I loved my two days in that fake merge. It was a lot of fun just meeting everybody. On the journey, you spoke about your struggle with body image issues and the challenge coming onto Survivor when people are so open about their bodies. Talk to me more about how being on the show taught you to face those struggles. I’m so happy they kept that in. For so many years of Survivor, you see the same type of body in a lot of ways. And I went out, and I did badly in some ways; I definitely sucked. But I did well in other ways. And obviously, being on national TV, I was like, “I can’t be insecure about this. I have to be worried about everything else.” It was so freeing to just be like, “This is who I am. This is my body, and I’m comfortable.” And obviously, you have good days and bad days. In this past year since coming back, I’ve totally fallen back into being so mean to myself. And watching it back again, I was just like, “Oh my god,” and that confidence that I had coming out of the game. Like I’ve gotten it back again! I really inspired myself again. (Laughs.) It was a really awesome reminder. It’s not going to be consistent all the time. You’re not going to love yourself all the time. But it was nice to see myself again and realize I kicked ass out there in some ways. I am awesome and beautiful the way I am. You have been one of the Survivor 42 cast members I’ve seen interact the most with fandom on social media. What has it been like to see that reception of you and your story? I’m thrilled! I feel like I’ve been needing a Twitter army for so long. I love that I have my little Chlamyidinators. I had so much fun. It was a whole part of the experience I wasn’t expecting. Oh my God, these bitches are hilarious! [Laughs.] I’ve been geeking out at these replies to me. It has been so so much fun, and I’m so thankful for all the love. Next, check out our interview with Daniel Strunk, who was voted out in Survivor 42 Episode 5.