Speaking to Oprah about her comments on Teenager Therapy podcast, in which she said she was bullied so much it was “almost unsurvivable,” Markle explained in harrowing detail exactly what she meant. “I just didn’t see a solution. It was all happening just because I was breathing,” she said. Markle said she was ashamed to admit that she needed help for her suicidal ideation at the time, especially to Harry, who had already lost his mother. “I knew that if I didn’t say it, I would do it. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore,” she said. “That was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought. And I remember how he just cradled me.” The pressures of the British press bullying her, as well as a lack of help from what they referred to as “The Institution,” a group of people working for the royal family, led to what was eventually and disparagingly dubbed “Megxit.” Markle said she went to “The Institution,” a group of people working for the Palace, to ask for help in going somewhere to get mental health treatment. She recalled that she was told she couldn’t go to get help because it would be bad for “The Institution.” She then went to human resources for “The Institution” and said she needed help, but because she wasn’t a paid member of the Institution they wouldn’t help her. She hadn’t had access to her driver’s license or passport since her wedding day and didn’t know who to turn to. Eventually, she confided in one of the late Princess Diana’s best friends because no one else understood. She didn’t have access to her passport, documents, or anything she’d need to get help. Markle recalled that she had to attend an event at Royal Albert Hall when she was in the midst of begging for help. She didn’t want to go but said she told Harry she was afraid of what she might do to herself if she were left alone. She said in photos of the event, she zooms in on Prince Harry’s white knuckles gripping her hand tightly. “We’re smiling and doing our jobs, but we’re just trying to hold on,” she said, adding that she didn’t want to burden Harry, saying he already carried “the weight of the world” due to the losses he’s suffered. It was nearly a year before the Sussexes left the Firm, and Harry admitted he was ashamed to admit that Markle needed help. “I didn’t have anyone to turn to,” he said. “We have some very close friends who have been with us through this whole process, but for the family, they have this mentality of ‘This is how it is.’” Prince Harry said it was the racist elements of Markle’s treatment that exacerbated everything. “There was an opportunity, many opportunities, for my family to show some public support.” Harry cited the 72 members of Parliament standing up for Meghan, while no one from his family came forward in three years to publicly defend her. “I’m also acutely aware of where my family stands and their fear of the tabloids turning on them,” he said, adding that there is an “invisible contract” between the royals and the press in which the tabloid press controls the royal family by fear. “The Institution survives based on [the public] perception.” As for why she came forward with the revelation, Duchess Meghan said, “I’m not going to live my life in fear…I don’t know how they could expect that after all of this time we would still just be silent if there is an active role the firm is playing in perpetuating falsehoods about us. that at a certain point you’re going to go just tell the truth. if that comes at the risk of losing things there’s a lot that’s been lost already. I’ve lost my father. I lost a baby. I nearly lost my name, I lost my identity.” “I’m still standing,” she said, adding that she wanted to inspire others to get the help they need without stigma and to “know that there’s another side. Life is worth living.” Next, find out the truth about Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton’s relationship.
