When a loved one has a heart attack, it can be terrifying and debilitating not just for them, but for you. Supporting a family member who’s just had a heart attack can be a full-time job, and it isn’t an easy one. “Having a loved one suffer a heart attack is scary. Caring for a loved one emotionally and psychologically after they have had a heart attack can be just as scary, as the chances of them having another heart attack is still there,” Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C, says. “As a loved one, you are allowed to have your own feelings about what is going on, and caring for your loved one can take some time and patience with yourself.” One of the first steps you can take is to recognize and accept that both of your lives have changed, possibly permanently, in a big way. The aftermath of a cardiac event can bring physical, mental, and emotional changes and tolls that you may not have expected, and one of the most important ways to care for and support a loved one after a heart attack is to take good care of yourself. Sam Nabil, CEO and lead therapist at Naya Clinics, advises, “You can’t take care of someone effectively if you’re not in good shape yourself. Don’t feel guilty to take some time off (arrange for someone to look after your loved one, even for just a while) while you take a breather and work on yourself.” Once you’ve done that, here’s how to support a family member who’s just had a heart attack.
How to support a family member who’s just had a heart attack
Ask your loved one what they actually need—and what their intentions are
You’re a good person who wants to help, but maintaining boundaries is important, as is respecting your loved one’s autonomy. Dr. Jim Jackson, a licensed psychologist and Research Professor of Medicine at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, says it’s integral to discuss the patient’s needs with the patient: “Clarify with heart attack survivors what they need—that is, don’t assume that you know how to best help them but, instead, ask explicitly so that the support you are providing is the type of support that patients actually need.” Saxena suggests taking it a step further: “Ask your loved one questions such as ‘How is your understanding of where your health is now?’ ‘Do you have any concerns or fears right now?’ ‘What will your lifestyle look like to prevent more heart attacks?’ ‘What motivates you to want to take better care of your health?’ Asking these questions gives your loved one something to think about if they haven’t thought about any of this, but also a chance for you to hear where they are if they do have plans and answers to improve their health.” Remember that they’re still the same person—and treat them as such While it may be tempting to constantly monitor your loved one to the point of essentially babysitting—unless they request as much. Your loved one had a heart attack, but they are still human beings with autonomy, feelings, and their own free will. In fact, trying too hard to control them may well backfire. “Treat heart attack patients as normal and just listen. Don’t judge or give advice or try to control them,” Teri Dreher, a registered nurse and board-certified patient advocate for North Shore RN, advises. “Follow doctors’ advice, but don’t walk around on eggshells, as it makes them more afraid.” Dr. Marcum concurred, noting that a heart attack is a traumatic experience. “Having a heart attack can be scary and in the aftermath, people may start thinking more seriously about death. Being there to listen and provide empathy can go a long way in the healing process,” she says. “Remember, you don’t need to provide solutions, simply listening and spending time with your loved one is a great way to show you care.”
Have empathy if they show mood or temperament changes
Not all the symptoms following a heart attack are physical. Dr. Jackson explained, “Recognize that short term changes often follow heart attacks—these can include changes to an individual’s mood and sometimes to their thinking. Consider expressing empathy to your family member as you observe and encounter these changes and, importantly, don’t take them personally.” However, Jackson notes, if their mood changes are severe or long-lasting, encourage them to talk to their physicians. “If mood changes are sustained and reflect the emergence of a season of depression, encourage family members to take them seriously, to discuss them with a physician or, if appropriate, a psychologist,” he said. “This is vitally important because the development of depression is a harbinger of a variety of bad outcomes.”
Support them at doctors’ appointments—and ask doctors the right questions
Joining your loved one at doctors’ appointments following their heart attack may help to assuage their nerves, Dr. Meghan Marcum, Chief Psychologist for AMFM Healthcare, says. Getting all the necessary information after a heart attack can be overwhelming for patients, and as a result, they may not always ask the right questions during follow-up appointments. If you have permission from your loved one, Iris Waichler, MSW, LCSW, recommends that you ask their doctors the following questions to help them—and to help you help them:
What exercise is OK to do and what should not be done during recovery from a heart attack?What medications, if any, are indicated?How will their heart condition be monitored in the future?What are the chances of another heart attack after having one?What if any dietary changes should be made?Explain the type of work the patient does and see if anything on the job is not safe to do. Ask how long before your loved one can return to work.Is any cardiac rehabilitation needed? If so what kind, where do we find it, and how long should it be done?What symptoms should we watch for to indicate another heart attack?
Help keep their medications and appointments organized
Nabil says that organization is one key to making the recovery process easier for your loved one as well as yourself. “Take the time to sit down and log everything: which medications to take at what time, schedule of appointments to the doctor, and the documents that should be ready in case an emergency happens,” he advises. “You can also take advantage of the apps that you can install on your phone to help you keep track of everything.” Using phone alarms or calendars as reminders to take medications at certain times, keeping all medications in designated safe and accessible areas, taking photos of important documents with your phone (with the patient’s permission) so you have them ready in case of an emergency, having a designated place for paperwork, and arranging transportation in advance can be literal life-savers in the aftermath of a heart attack.
Make sure their living arrangements are easily accessible for them
One important part of supporting a loved one after a heart attack is making sure their living spaces are easily accessible, especially if they need to limit their physical activity. Nabil recommends setting up a bedroom on the first floor if possible. (If your loved one lives alone, you may want to invite them to stay with you, or at least help to make their space more accommodating to their current needs.)
Don’t freak out if they “cheat” or slip up on their diet.
You know how you tended to perform better in gym class when you had a teacher who encouraged you with kindness than you did when you had a teacher who ragged on you constantly and acted like you were in boot camp? Same idea. “It is their body, so let go and don’t fight if they make a slip. No one can follow diets 100% of the time,” Dreher says.
Factor their dietary needs into your grocery list.
Nabil says to be sure to factor in your loved one’s food needs when you go shopping, and their diet may be quite different from yours. “Your loved one may have to go through a special diet while on the road to recovery. If you have to take care of the meals yourself, don’t forget to include the food items needed in your shopping list so you won’t forget anything essential,” he says.
Encourage your loved ones if and when they go through cardiac rehabilitation programs
“Most of the time they will need to go to cardiac rehab, and that will be good physically and emotionally to meet others in the same situation. Damage to hearts and brains are particularly frightening to people, so remember to be supportive and loving, not controlling. They need to know you still love them for who they are. Give people time to adjust to the new normal and make the most out of every day.”
Make lifestyle changes together
One way to help your loved one stay on the right track with regards to their health is to make the same healthy decisions regarding diet and exercise for yourself, Dr. Marcum says, explaining, “Having the support of someone who is making the same changes can increase the longevity of the new habits and create an opportunity for shared motivation.” Saxena noted, “Joining them on what they would like you to join them on is another way to deepen your bond, and making suggestions for ideas like going on walks together, going to yoga, or even meditating together are definitely ways you can support a loved one.”
Know that recovery is a long road, but it doesn’t need to be a lonely one
“Help reinforce the idea that recovery is often slow and encourage them to embrace the notion that improvement ’takes as long as it takes’ and that it routinely takes longer than it seems like it should,” Dr. Jackson says. One of the best ways to make it go by more quickly is to ensure that your loved one knows they aren’t alone. Next, check out this live-well guide to maintaining heart health and preventing heart disease.
Sources
Teri Dreher, registered nurse and board-certified patient advocate for North Shore RNDr. Jim Jackson, licensed psychologist and Research Professor of Medicine at Vanderbilt University Medical CenterDr. Meghan Marcum, Chief Psychologist for AMFM HealthcareSam Nabil, CEO and lead therapist at Naya ClinicsSilvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-CIris Waichler, MSW, LCSW
