I’d always heard it takes a village to raise a child, but I didn’t fully understand it until my biggest, most outlandish dream came true: I got my first book deal. Suddenly, the writing starts and things I had crammed into the extra spaces of the day were no longer enough. With no family nearby who could help, finding someone like family became the top priority. Enter, Donna and Jerry Henderson, or, as we know them, Nonna and Pop. Friends of friends and recently retired, they lived in our neighborhood and had known my husband and his family forever. From the moment they came into our lives, they weren’t just keeping our child; they were teaching me some of the most important lessons about raising a little human. Jerry passed away suddenly in April from a heart attack, and in one of those devastating losses that take your breath away. When I call the house now, I still expect him to answer, to hear his cheerful, “Well, hello, Kristy Harvey,” on the other end of the line. It was a great loss of a great man, a kind man—one of the kindest I’ve ever known, in fact. It’s a loss that left everyone wondering why the world works the way it does, why this had to be a part of the plan. Millions of Americans have felt that same loss this past year. It takes me back sometimes to remember that he’s gone. But I’m unendingly grateful for what he taught me while he was here. We hear it, we might even say it, but Donna and Jerry truly embodied what I think must be the very first rule of creating a healthy, happy child: Shower them with time and attention. Those few afternoons a week my son spent at their house, he was the priority. His days were filled with outside play and board games, make-believe and silliness. He walked the dogs with Pop, tended the garden with Nonna and helped her cook what he believes are the best two foods in the world: Nonna’s grilled cheese and homemade pickles. As a writer, I should have already known this, but Jerry and Donna reminded me how important it is to fill the world with stories. I credit Donna with Will’s vocabulary because even when he couldn’t talk back, she talked to him constantly—and read to him just as much. He would sit on her lap, highly engrossed, and had a special soft spot for her issues of Southern Living. Jerry was a wonderful storyteller and would make up tales for Will, having him use his own imagination to fill in bits and pieces. No matter how off-track Will’s story got, Jerry could bring it together in the end. But perhaps Will’s favorite thing to do with Pop was build. Donna and Jerry gave him a child’s toolset for his second birthday and from then on, he and Jerry—a skilled carpenter and woodworker—would spend long hours in his woodshop, Jerry patiently, calmly teaching my son to measure wood and hammer nails, use a small lathe and sand finishes to perfection. Eventually, as he got older, they would make bookshelves for me, a model boat for my husband, a beautiful end table and, most notably of all, a wooden nativity that will always be the first thing I set out for Christmas. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Every holiday, every space in our home, has a Will and Jerry creation. Every “project” Pop and Will undertook was an act of great love—and the building is one of my son’s greatest joys. I would have thought it was impossible for a young child to learn a skill that took so much focus. But Jerry showed me that with enough time and a great teacher, children can learn nearly anything—sometimes even better than adults. Perhaps best of all, any and every time they saw my child, they greeted him with pure enthusiasm. What could be greater for a child’s psyche than knowing he brings someone else so much happiness? But he wasn’t the only person they greeted like that. Donna and Jerry’s house is the kind of place that should have a revolving door, where friends are in and out all day long, laughing, talking, drinking coffee. The keeping room off their kitchen—where Donna is always making something amazing—is seldom lacking neighbors, children, dogs and cats. My son met new people who will be in his life forever. So did I. The village grew. In that way, the Hendersons gave me the greatest gift anyone could give a working mother: peace of mind. I knew that, when I was writing or had to be away, the people taking care of my child loved him like he was their own and were pouring themselves into him in a way that would enrich his life much more than if he had spent those afternoons with me. I had worried about not having family nearby. But, wow, was I wrong about that. They are our family. Always and forever. In a matter of weeks, they weren’t just keeping Will. Donna became the person I called when I needed a chicken salad recipe, some good advice or just a chat. They attended soccer games, class parties, school Christmas programs. And Jerry, our dear Jerry, was the world’s greatest Santa Claus. Jerry did a lot of great things in his life, had a list of accolades including exceptional, distinguished military service and an enviable, successful career. He loved animals and worked to keep them safe more than anyone I’ve ever know—and even got to lead a Disney parade in honor of his service to our country. But his passing has caused me to really look at what matters. What makes a life? What makes a legacy? And I have to think that the people we love, the ones who take the time to pour themselves into the next generation, are never gone, not really. They live on through the children whose lives they helped shape. Every time my son hammers a nail, measures a piece of wood, moves a Monopoly piece or creates a really funny story, we are reminded of our Pop. And, for a few precious moments—through the eyes and heart of a child—one of the most cherished, important people in our village lives on. Friends & Fiction is an online community, weekly live web show, and podcast founded and hosted by bestselling authors Mary Kay Andrews, Kristin Harmel, Kristy Woodson Harvey, Patti Callahan Henry, and Mary Alice Monroe, who have written more than 90 novels between them and are published in more than 30 languages. Catch them and their incredible author guests live every Wednesday at 7pm ET on the Friends & Fiction Facebook group page or their YouTube Channel. Follow them on Instagram and, for weekly updates, subscribe to their newsletter. Kristy Woodson Harvey is the USA TODAY bestselling author of eight novels, including Feels Like Falling, The Peachtree Bluff series, and Under the Southern Sky. Her writing has appeared in numerous online and print publications including Southern Living, Traditional Home, USA TODAY and Domino. The winner of the Lucy Bramlette Patterson Award for Excellence in Creative Writing and a finalist for the Southern Book Prize, Kristy is the co-creator and co-host of the weekly web show and podcast Friends & Fiction and she blogs daily with her mom Beth Woodson on Design Chic.
